is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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