Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
