This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
