after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize