While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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