she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
