sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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