In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize