OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
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