I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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