I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
