Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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