You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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