we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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