dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
