Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize