youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
worst night to have a conscience
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
