ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
NoShamevember. You game?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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