I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
