who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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