I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
