I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
