I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
