then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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