You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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