I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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