watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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