I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
