my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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