Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
