Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
