His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
