i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
