youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
