They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize