after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
no you cant smoke seaweed
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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