you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
