Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
