Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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