i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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