is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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