Can i not drive my cunt home
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize