Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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