LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
