Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Found your dick twin last night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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