I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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