im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
