I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
