I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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