No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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