I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
