ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
