Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
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You. Win. At. Life.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
