WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
