last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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