u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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