Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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