Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
don't judge my taste in strippers
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
