What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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