She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize