my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
This house was built for laser tag.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
