Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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