did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
