Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
