We're facebook friends in real life
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
