The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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