I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize