Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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