just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
