Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
