if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
