I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
