Umm I'm too high to move.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
