I could have mohawked her pubes.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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