well you can't waste a boner
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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